Can any1 tell me what u think of my poem???

DEATH OF AUTUMN





the flowers are all dead


the sun sobs softly over


the hearses of sweet honeysuckles


and dying poppies


as autumn's cancerous chortle


is gnawing the floal sanctum


painful silence echoes


sadness is at Man's very heart


remembrance of growth of perfume of love


embraces


I stand alone and weep


when the wind whispers something sweet in my ear


and


I smile again

Can any1 tell me what u think of my poem???
Let me say again: Lovely! Could you give me a pen name, to put under the poem, when I put it on paper? That would be great.








Very nice work--please! let's see much more of you here. Do be careful about your work being stolen, though.......





Take care.





*Edit: Thanks so much--I will put "Maryam" under the poem. I hope we all see much more of you here at Yahoo!Answers. Thanks for sharing.
Reply:Perfect sad poem good but depressing!
Reply:It's very sad. Man, I am starting to tear a bit and I never cry. I think it is beautiful.
Reply:Well, I'm really not that familiar with honeysuckles and dying poppies and all since I live in the Philippines but nonetheless I like it. Brooding and dark yet it has this sweetness to it especially in the last line. You start with the flowers being all dead and it seems to give off a really melancholic aura but in the end, you could smile again and that's really good. Keep it up.
Reply:good job
Reply:niceee....
Reply:VERY descriptive! VERY dark with a great ending. This is a good one! I would change the last to "I stand alone and weep when the wind whispers something sweet in my ear, again... I smile" One change in wording and it wraps it up perfectly. Remember over use of the word AND in your future poems. Great Job!
Reply:Obviously you have a desire to write and create imagery. You don't seem to stay with any one inspiration and so you just push/compress images together without thinking about them and how they will be read and so some of what you group together is just ... inappropriate? Not working for me, anyway.





This can be fixed with focus.


Your focus.





Assuming you are fairly young (high school?), this is a lot better than most of the tripe we read on this site. I'm not crazy about what you've written but compared to most of the other stuff I've seen here from your age group you are leagues ahead of your erstwhile competition. (OK, that's not saying a lot...but still leagues ahead. Let's go with that.)





Give this one another shot.





Did you mean floal or floral? I'm hoping floral.
Reply:"I stand alone and weep


when the wind whispers something sweet in my ear


and


I smile again"








loved it
Reply:A wonderful piece in my opinion.





I can see some room for improvement but outside of that.....





Well done!
Reply:Ooooh, very nice! You capture a dark yet sweet aspect of Autumn's end and I loved it! Keep writing!

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